A Woman's Courage
by jean d'arc
Summary: After Catelyn freed the Kingslayer, King Robb had no choice but to imprison his mother. She doesn't die at the Red Wedding but gradually sees her family fall apart. Her thoughts and feelings as her children suffer different fates. Each chapter is about one of her children: what happened to them, how she finds out and how she reacts. Canon and non-canon character deaths.
1. I know I'm right, why can't they see it?

**_A kind of courage_**

Summary: After Catelyn freed the Kingslayer, King Robb had no choice but to imprison his mother. She misses the Red Wedding but gradually sees her family fall apart.

Note: This first chapter starts with a dialogue between Catelyn, Robb and Karstark (taken from the TV show Episode "The Prince of Winterfell) and then the story veers in a slightly different direction. She is alive for many events (canon and non-canon) that followed after.

**_1\. I know I'm right, why can't they see it? _**

_Robb: Tell me this isn't true. Why?_

_Cat: For the girls _

_Robb: You betrayed me_

_Cat: Robb I -_

_Robb: No. You knew I would not allow it, and you did it anyway._

_Cat: Bran and Rickon are captives in Winterfell. Sansa and Arya are captives in King's Landing. I have five children and only one of them is free._

_Karstark: I lost one son fighting by yours son's side. I lost another to the Kingslayer, strangled with a chain. You commit treason because your children are prisoners. I would carve out my heart and offer it to the Father if he would let my sons rise from their graves and step into a prison cell. _

_Cat: I grieve for your sons, my lord_

_Karstark: I don't want your grief. I want my vengeance. And you stole it from me._

_Cat: Killing Jamie Lannister would not buy life for your children. But returning him to King's Landing may buy life for mine_

_Robb: Jamie Lannister has played you for a fool. You've weakened our position. You've brought discord into our camp. And you did it all behind my back. (to his men) Make sure she's guarded day and night. _

… At least he didn't put me in chains.

What have I done? Have I really undermined his position as King? Oh, Gods, yes I have. I thought being his mother he wouldn't be mad at me. But he was mad and I forced him to make a hard choice. He needed to show strength in front of his men. I almost forced him to kill his own mother.

But I was right. I know it in my heart. He didn't want to listen to me. They didn't want to listen to me. I told them to accept peace terms and they laughed at me. _I'm weak because I'm a woman_. I told Robb to try to exchange the girls for the Kingslayer and he ignored me. Apparently two girls are not worth one man. What do they know? Do they know how much a mother grieves for her children? All her children? Mothers do not see sons and daughters. Mothers see children. Men may know a lot about fighting, but they don't know anything about war and what it does to a family. I was right in releasing the Kingslayer, I know I was. Why can't Robb see it?

I'm a good mother. I know I am. Yet, I have lost all my children. I have lost Arya and Sansa to the Lannisters. They were alone in a strange city and watched as their father was executed. I have lost Bran and Rickon to the Greyjoys. My poor Rickon probably too young to even remember his own mother. And Bran, I can't imagine what he must have felt when he finally woke up after his long sleep and his mother wasn't there for him. Was he angry at me? Will he ever forgive me? Oh, gods, I don't know. … And now I've lost Robb. Not physically, no. He's the only one I have near, but he's the one who is the furthest away from me. I have lost his love and respect. To him, I am but a shadow, a sad reminder. Had I not been his mother, he would have had no choice but to execute me. I'm afraid I may have caused him to lose the respect of his men.

Everything I've done has been for my children. And yet, everything I've done has caused them nothing but grief. I sent Sansa to King's Landing hoping to secure her future by marrying her off to the Crown's heir. Now she's a prisoner. I sent Arya to King's Landing to try to see if the capital would make her more lady like. Now I have no idea where she is. I left Winterfell to warn Ned of Bran's assassination attempt, and now I may never see my babies again. I'm trying to counsel Robb, but with my actions I have only weakened his position in front of his men.

Family. Duty. Honor. I have failed my family. I have not done my duty. And now I have no honor.

TBC


	2. A Raven From Winterfell

**_2\. A raven from Winterfell. _**

We have been in Riverrun for a few weeks now. As I watched my father die I thought of my own children and how they would react when I die. Would they even find out? If I were to die today, the only one who would know would be Robb. Would he even grieve for me? He still keeps me under guard and still hasn't forgiven me. I don't think he ever will. I have lost all his respect.

There's a knock on my door.

"Cat, there's been a raven from Winterfell" my uncle says.

"What?"

"I'm so sorry" he says.

"What happened, Uncle? What are you not telling me?" I start to panic.

He doesn't say anything, he just hands me the parchment.

_Dark Wings, Dark Words. ... _Dead. Murdered. Gone. My babies are gone. Bran and Rickon. Rickon probably died without remembering I was his mother, and Bran died before I could tell him how sorry I was.

"How's Robb? Does he know?" I ask.

"Yes, he knows. He spent the whole morning in the Godswood."

"Has he asked for me?"

"No, he just said to bring you the message. Cat, I'm so sorry. I need to go now. The War Council is holding a meeting which I need to attend."

"Yes, go. I wouldn't want the King to have to wait because of me. After all, I'm just a lowly prisoner. Who cares if I have just lost my children?"

"Cat, pl—"

"Go. Please. Leave me alone."

Yes, alone. That's what I am now. My two youngest sons are gone. My two girls are missing. And the only child I can actually be with cannot even bring himself to visit me. King in the North they call him. To me he's just Robb, my beloved son, the only son I've got left. To him, I am but a burden.

I wish I could go away. Where to, I don't know. Just away. I wish I could go to Bran and tell him not to climb walls, tell him to be careful. I wish I could go to Rickon and hold him in my arms and hug him like I did before this whole mess, before this bloody war started.

I curse this war. I curse Jamie Lannister. I curse Joffrey. I curse Robert Baratheon.

TBC

Note: each chapter will be about one of her children: what happened to them, how she finds out, and how she reacts.


	3. The Red Wake

**_3\. The Red Wake. _**

A wedding. They are all going to a wedding. Edmure is marrying a Frey girl, paying for a mistake Robb made. A party. A feast. A celebration. I have nothing to celebrate. Maybe it's better that I have to stay here. I really do not wish to go. But it would have been nice to have been given the choice. How long will Robb keep me prisoner? When did he stop listening to me? What happened to the boy who kept coming to me asking for advice? _Mother, should I go on the hunt?_ _Mother, what should I wear for the feast? Mother, what should I tell Master Lewin? Mother, please don't tell Father, I promise I'll never do it again._ Why Robb? What has changed? Why do you disregard me so? When did you stop being my son? You may have become my King, but I never stopped being your mother. … Well, have fun at the wedding. At least one of us should.

They should not be back for three days. Three days without my son. Not that I see him that much, anyway. I can't leave my chambers without permission and he doesn't come see me very often, or at least as often as I would like. I keep looking out the window to see if I see them return. Just like I did when I was a little girl waiting for my father. I've always been waiting for men to return to me. I waited for my father every time he rode off to war. I waited for Ned when he fought in Robert's Rebellion and the Greyjoy Rebellion, or every time he left Winterfell to see about his bannermen, I would always wait by the window to be the first one to see him riding back home, back to me. And now I wait for Robb. I don't know if he even knows that I wait for him. Please Robb, hurry home.

I see him. No, that can't be him. It's just one rider. I wonder who that could be. Wait. It's my uncle. It's Brynden. Why is he alone? Where is Robb? Where are his men? What's all this commotion I hear? Nobody tells me anything, nobody comes to my chambers. What's going on? Is the wedding over? Why hasn't Robb returned?

Finally, somebody's at my door.

"Uncle, how was the wedding? Where's Robb?

"Oh Cat"

"Uncle?" I ask dreading the answer

"They're gone! They're all dead! It was a massacre. The Freys betrayed us."

"Where is Robb?"

"Oh, Cat"

"No, no no no no!"

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

Not Robb, please. He's my oldest son. My only son. He can't be gone.

I can hear my uncle saying something about the Kingdom and the war, about the crown and the King in the North. I curse the Kingdom. I curse the war. I curse the Crown. They are slowly and painfully taking my family away from me. I don't care about the bloody crown. My son, my son, my son.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO !

Who closed the curtains? Why is it so dark? .. Who's yelling? Shut up! Shut up! Stop yelling! .. Red, all I see is red. … My face. Stop hurting me. Stop hurting my face. … Pain …. Red…. Screams…. Pain … Red … Screams … Shut up! Shut up! … Red, red, red …. Black, black, black….

My eyelids feel heavy. How much have I drunk? Why was I drinking? Oh, I remember. A wedding. No, wait. I didn't go to the wedding. Oh, no! Robb! I don't want to wake up. This is not real. It's just a nightmare. If I wake up I make it real. Close your eyes Cat. Close your eyes.

"Open you eyes, sweetling" a soft voice says.

As my eyes open I see my uncle.

"You fainted", he says. He looks at me and continues "I'm sorry Cat"

I can't find my voice. I try to ask him questions, but I can't seem to get my mouth to work.

"How? How did he die?" I finally ask.

"I'm not sure. I stepped out of the ball room and when I tried to return it was locked. I heard all the shouting, but I couldn't get in. So I went outside and I saw the massacre. They killed all our soldiers. The Freys and the Boltons. They were together in this."

"But you didn't see Robb. Maybe he's still alive"

"No, my sweet one. I did see him."

I have just been punched in the gut with a thousand-pound rock.

"How did he die?"

"No, Cat. Don't do this"

"Uncle, how did my son die?" I ask more forcefully this time.

"I don't know. I saw his body the following morning. They had removed his head and sewn the wolf's head to his body"

"You didn't see his face. Maybe it wasn't him"

"It was him, Cat"

"Did he suffer?"

"Oh, Cat, don't do this to yourself."

I close my eyes. Then I remember. Red. Pain. My face. I feel all the bandages as I lift my hand to my face.

"My face" I say. "Did I do this to myself? I don't remember"

"Yes, my little one, you did."

"I can't do this any more. I can't, Uncle. Ned is gone. Bran and Rickon are gone. Robb is gone. And they're never coming back. Sansa is in King's Landing. Arya has disappeared. Who knows what they're going through? Are they even alive? Do they know all their brothers are dead? Do they think I'm dead? Do they miss me? Do they miss me as much as I miss them? My boys, they're all gone. Oh Ned, why? I couldn't even say goodbye to them. They took my Ned from me. He died miles away from his family, from his beloved Winterfell. Bran and Rickon. Oh, they must have been so afraid. I wasn't there to hold them. I wasn't there to soothe them, to drive their fears away. And now Robb. Did he ever forgive me? I didn't get the chance to tell him I was sorry. I never got the chance to tell him that I loved him and that I was proud of him. I wish I had been there. I should have gone to the wedding. I could have saved him. I could have done something. Uncle, I can't do this anymore. I can't. I don't deserve to be alive"

My uncle rocks me as I ramble on. Is this it? Am I delirious? Have I finally gone mad?

TBC

Please let me know what you think so far. Thanks.


	4. An Unexpected Visit

Thank you for your reviews.

SwordintheDarkness: in which archive is it that you cannot find the story? I posted it on TV/Game of Thrones/Mature... Now Cat could definitely do what you say and start the rebellion again ... Let's see.

KittyDance: I agree, Cat's story is very tragic (one of the most tragic and misunderstood characters in the saga). She's my favourite character and most of what I write and read is about Cat.

**_4_****_. An Unexpected visit. _**

Long live the King. The King is dead. With the King dead, I was no longer a prisoner. That's what they said. I was _free_. Free to do what? Free to mourn my husband and my sons? I am a prisoner within my own grief. I was allowed to stay in Riverrun. Where else should I go? I can't go to Winterfell. Winterfell has been lost. I can't go to the Eyrie with my sister. We didn't really part on good terms. Oh, Lysa. Is this how it feels to be mad? Am I becoming mad like you? The mad Tully sisters? Mad with grief? Mad with loneliness? Mad with worry? Oh, if father could see us now At least you still have your son.

I could go to King's Landing. Yes, I could. I would be the knight in shining armor that rescues Sansa from the Lannisters. She would sing songs about me. _Lady Stark, the knight of the Riverlands. The she-wolf with a blade. The trout that rode. Cat of the avenging sword._ Then we would roam the countryside together and find Arya. Yes, we would find her. I have no doubts.

I sit by the window, waiting for no one this time. Nobody's coming. My father will not return from one of his many trips. Ned will not return from King's Landing. Robb will not return from the wedding at the Twins. My life has become a never ending wait. I just wait. But I wait for nothing. I wait for no one.

A rider approaches. He carries no banner. Should I go downstairs to find out who he is? No, I had better leave these things to my uncle. I'm not really interested. Besides, most people think I'm mad already.

There's a knock on my door. It's my uncle.

"Cat, can I come in?"

Oh, no. He has that face. The face that told me Bran and Rickon were dead. The face that told me Robb had been killed. Not again. Please.

"A knight has just arrived. His name is Sandor Clegane. He said he met you at Winterfell when he visited with King Robert. He has a message for you. Can he come in?"

I nod and he opens the door for the knight. He is big and ugly. I remember him. I remember his face. Scarred by fire.

"My lady, I am sorry for your loss" he starts. "I will make this brief. I fled King's Landing not long ago and I came across your daughter."

"Oh, Gods, Sansa. Is she all right?"

"She is, as far as I know. Her engagement to King Joffrey was annulled and she was betrothed to the Imp. But it's not Sansa I come to talk to you about. As I was riding I came across the Brotherhood without Banners. That's where I found your daughter, the other one, the wild one, Arya. I kidnapped her and was going to trade for her with you. I had heard you were all going to a wedding at the Twins and decided to meet you there to make the trade. But we were too late. When we arrived there, the massacre had already begun. I tried to take her away, but she went crazy. She wanted to take on the Freys all by herself. Brave young lady, but foolish. I managed to control her that night. I took pity on her and I was going to bring her here, not for ransom. But the following morning she saw what they had done to her bother's body and she went mad. She attacked Frey soldiers with that sword of hers. Needle she called it. I'm sorry, my lady. I couldn't stop her. I tried, but she tricked me. I'm not a good person and I regret many things I have done. But this time I was going to do the right thing and bring her with her family. I failed. I am sorry."

I just stare at him. Well, not really _at_ him, just in that direction. I can't move. I don't have the strength to even move my eyes. I stay there for an eternity, just frozen in time. I think I heard my uncle thank him and I think he said goodbye as he left. I'm not sure.

Arya, my sweet Arya, wild, crazy, lovable Arya.

At least she has done more that I have. She has fought. She was the true She-Wolf with a blade, the true Knight of the North. Lady Brienne said I had a kind of courage, not battle courage but a woman's courage. Do I? I don't know. But Arya certainly did. Her father would be so proud.

TBC

only one child left ...


	5. Annother Wedding, Another Death

**_5\. Another wedding, another death. _**

The days after Ser Clegane's visit have become a blur. I get up, sit by the window all day and close my eyes at night (not necessarily sleep). I am a shadow of my former self. People hardly talk to me. They all tell me that I need to eat and that I need to sleep, but nobody dares tell me that I look like hell. Still, I know I do. I hardly bathe and some days I don't even bother to change my clothes. My clothes don't fit me anymore. I have always been proud of my hair. Now I hardly ever brush it. Sometimes the maids try to brush it for me. Sometimes I let them, but most times I just push them away. What is the point? My hair was Ned's to touch, and Ned is gone. My uncle tries to talk to me and cheer me up. He asks me to join him for a horse ride, just like we did when I was a little girl. He comes to my room at night to talk, but I am never in a very talkative mood. He asks me to join him for lunch or dinner, but I am never hungry. Praise my uncle, he never gives up.

Here he comes again. What will it be this time? Another horse ride through the country side? Another merchant with exotic fruits? A new dress for me? The sad part is that, whatever it is, he knows I will probably refuse it.

"Hello Uncle. Thank you for the dress you gave me last week. I love the colors. I had to have it taken in at the waist a little bit. I'll see if I can wear it tonight." I try to sound cheerful, but guessing by his face I have failed miserably.

"Cat, I would love it if you could join me for dinner tonight. But we need to talk. A raven has just arrived. It's from King's Landing"

"No, don't tell me. I don't want to hear it."

He doesn't say anything, he just holds me.

"It's Sansa, isn't it?"

"Yes"

"She's dead, isn't she?"

He nods.

"How?"

"She was accused of murdering King Joffrey at his wedding. She has been executed"

"I'm proud of her" I smile.

"Oh, Cat, I'm sorry"

"I'm not. She's with her family, where she should be. I'm the one left behind. I'm the prisoner."

And I start laughing, almost hysterically. It's official now. I've gone mad.

"You see uncle, I'm not sad. I'm not even crying, I'm laughing. This is finally over. Now I can rest."

TBC


	6. The She-Wolf With a Blade

**_6\. The She-Wolf With a Blade. _**

As I was lying in bed that night I came to a conclusion. I don't have the courage Brienne was talking about. All my family has died fighting, but not me. Ned fought many wars and won most of them. He was executed because he stood up for the truth. Bran and Rickon were murdered because they stood up for their house. Robb was killed because he was fighting a war. If his enemies had him killed it was because he was winning. Arya died defending her family. Sansa died taking revenge for her family. And what have I done? Nothing. I am dishonoring my family. I will make them proud. I will join them. I will become _Lady Stark, the knight of the Riverlands. The she-wolf with a blade. The trout that rode. Cat of the avenging sword._

I got up, went to my desk and wrote a letter to my uncle. Then I went to the armory and grabbed a sword. Next I went to the stables. I saw a horse that reminded me of _Greywind_. I couldn't have found a more fitting horse. And I left. No destination. No roads. Just me, my horse and my sword. I will join my family. Wait for me. I'll be with you soon. I'm not looking for Death. Death will find me eventually, but hopefully when it finds me, there will be a Lannister or a Frey or a Bolton at the end of my sword.

x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x

_Dear Uncle,_

_When you read this letter I'll be gone. I have gone to join my family. They need me, and I need them._

_All my life I have lived by our words: Family. Duty. Honor._

_I have failed my Family. I have not done my Duty. I have no honor left._

_Now, I'm going to reclaim my Honor by doing my Duty and I will__join my Family._

_Please remember that I love you. I always have. And I appreciate everything you have done for me._

_Pray for me Uncle. And remember, Winter is coming_

_With love,_

_Your niece,_

_Catelyn Stark._

THE END

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Reviews are appreciated. It does not have to be a long review, but at least just a short comment to let me know you've read it.

Thanks.


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